Take a Deetour

"I write to find out what I think." - Joan Didion

Friday, August 19, 2005

I See London, I See France...

dirty linens aired

I am not an honest person. I am the Queen of Subterfuge, Duchess of Deception, Undertaker of Untruths, Girl Guide of Guile.

You know when you feel like some evil force has taken over your body and is making spaghetti out of your guts?

You know when your mouth holds your brain hostage and vice versa and both situations are not good?

You know when you have so much to say but it's better not to but if you don't you'll slowly but surely go insane?

You know when you know that you're being completely irrational but can't BE rational?

You know when you wish you had on hand, just like in the movies, a big red emergency button that read: "ABORT" or "SELF-DESTRUCT"?

You know when one look in the mirror, one breath of air, one swallow of food makes you want to smash everything in sight?

You know when you feel like you're slowly bleeding to death? Literally?

You know when you think and rethink everything that's happened and is happening in your life and then doubt it all?

You know when you think so much that everything has an unbearable conspiracy theory-esque quality to it?

You know when the frustrating thing is, it all boils down to hormones but it seems like just a blairdee lame excuse?

That's not how I feel at all.

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