Take a Deetour

"I write to find out what I think." - Joan Didion

Thursday, June 30, 2005

It's A Sign


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Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Curriculum Vitae


1982 - 1987 Brushing teeth by the drains, 10-cent syrup drinks, drawing blocks & exercise books. Lost myself in Primary School.

1988 - 1991 ELDDS, Zhu Ba Jie & triple sciences. Lost myself in Secondary School & the O Levels.

1992 - 1993 Art Elective or Math C? English Literature & UCCAS forms. Lost myself in JC & the A levels.

1994 - 1997 Cider, Lager, Southern Comfort & lime. Lost myself in living it up at uni.

1998 - 1999 Lights, Props, Curtains up. Lost myself in theatre.

2000 - 2004 Meetings, Deadlines, Ratings. Lost myself in radio.

2004 - Present After losing myself in so many things, all I am is lost.

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Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Should I Laugh or Should I Cry?

"Wah! Your hair, style, ah! Nice! I like!" said the cute old towel pakcik at the club.

Being currently mullet-sensitive, I wondered if I should be flattered or flattened.


He's bald now, but he probably had one himself in the '70s.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Madam A - Z

A - AIDS. Cannot be caught from furniture. If the New Paper article today wasn't so offensive, the quote may almost be funny.

B - Blogs, bloggers & secret lives. I know quite a few people who spill their guts online on their blogs. Blogs which I obviously have easy access to, but we never ever discuss our problems when we meet. Is there some secret blogger ettiquette I'm not aware of? Like: I know you know my deepest, darkest secrets, but please don't ask me if I'm ok to my face. So we meet, eat, drink beer, laugh and stay safely distanced from each other.

C - Close encounters of the unwanted kind. Eeew. I like hugs, I like the human touch, but not when random sweaty strangers brush up against you on a perfectly wide pavement. It's like please do not rub your epithelia and bacteria and perspiration on my delicate skin, thank you very much. Especially eewsome when you can actually feel random stranger's sweat evaporating off your skin.

D - Dirty Hair. Big believer in leaving things unwashed for as long as possible. Hold your breath... 3 days and counting so far. Hahahahahaha.

E - Eulogy. "Do you know who you can count on to give a fitting eulogy at your funeral?" We were talking about friends. True friends, friends who know you through and through. I don't know the eulogy answer. I really don't. Because very few get let in. VERY few.

F - Faith. Or loss there of. That's when you are most vunerable, most fragile, most insecure. It's not how you look, but what you feel. And when you feel like shit, or you have zero confidence, everything crumbles.

G - God. Wondering who YOU are and why it's so hard to stay close to YOU.

H - Help. Of the self variety. Very touchy-feely, but feel restless and stuck in a place I don't want to be - physically and emotionally. Thinking and reading about how to make changes pronto.

I - In My Father's Den. Just saw this New Zealand flick that simmers. One-line synopsis: A disillusioned war photographer rediscovers hope in a surprising friendship with a teenage girl who mysteriously disappears. Very slow to start, but stays with you for a long time after. Poetic, painful, sad, intense, deep, frightening.

J - James Blunt. Thank you Mr W. for turning me on to him. If Damien Rice and Tracy Chapman had a love child...

K - Klutz. Am berating self for extreme clumsiness. For those with graphic imaginations, picture, if you will, me sitting cross-legged on bed typing away when my big toenail gets caught on the edge of the scab on my calf... Yeeeoowwtch! Rips it off, leaves it hanging by a sliver of skin and gushing blood. Also, dropped my brand new digicam last week and busted it. Hence blurry phone camera pix.

L - Links. Try this: Is Tom Cruise Crazy? Made me laugh. And cringe.

M - Miranda. Have been told by more than one (so it must be true!) that I most resemble this Sex in the City chick. Awkward, Abrasive, Ball-busting?! Say it isn't so! Actually, it's her push-people-away, strike-first-in-case-you-get-struck qualities that remind them of me. Bah. Truth hurts, eh?

N - Nails. Also see K. General count, have broken left pinkie and fourth fingernails, and only just snapped off tip of right fourth fingernail. Is this a sign of vitamin deficiency? Nails don't just rip and break like that.
jagged little pinkie

O - Oprah. Arrgghh! I'm such a nerd when it comes to her O magazine (file under H too, please) and her show (but only the wildest dreams and makeover episodes).

P - Pedometer. 10,000 steps a day is the bare minimum. Being my usual overachieving self, I've clocked a whopping 3,596 steps today. Am embracing my inner sloth.

Q - Quotes. Love 'em, collect 'em. Quote of a week (see I): "I'd rather be no one somewhere than someone nowhere." Hmmm... Want to run away. I'm nowhere but feel like all eyes are on me being a failure, need to be elsewhere, please, somewhere without the baggage.

R - Rock n Roll, baby! Namely, Patti Smith and her seminal album Horses (thanks to the incredible soundtrack of In My Father's Den, which also features lots of Mazzy Star). Think underarm hair, sublime poetry and music that makes your heart beat a little faster.

S - Supper & Sleep. In an ideal world, the more the better of each.

T - Transformation. Am badly in need of one. Stuck in a rut, need to make big changes.

U - Umbrellas. In one week, I have lost 2 umbrellas to that great black hole that follows me wherever I go. Am most upset because one was the Batman Begins umbrella I only just got from the premiere.

V - Venting. Is dangerous for me because I always end up saying the wrong thing and making the ventee upset. Learn to hold thy tongue, woman!

W - World-weary. Tired of being here, living the same life, breathing the same air.

X - X-Ray Part 2. The saga continues. Still dunno about the TB cos' I've been advised by my GP NOT to go for the X-ray cos' they really will cheat my mah-nee (ironically, my GP is also my dad). Therefore I remain in TB limbo.

Y - Yellow-bellied. As in the opposite of courageous. I'm afraid to move. Guess admitting it is a step forward.

Z - Zest of orange with herbs. Forming a golden tangy crust over little broiled lamb chops. Yum scrum!

Thursday, June 23, 2005

One of Those Days

fire fire!
fire in the hole!

Ever have one of those days where you are too busy to have a poo so you tahan for half the day and then you realise you cannot hold it in anymore but luckily work is over so you leap into your car and drive like a ting tong all the way home because you're more comfortable pooing in your own loo than using the work facilities so you drive very fast and reach home and you can feel it coming out already so you do a run that resembles John Wayne's and you reach the lift but it's stuck on the 9th floor and you can feel the cold sweat breaking out as you clench with all your might and then you realise the lift's really really stuck and isn't coming down anytime soon so you do the John Wayne run all over again to the service lift but it too is stuck on the 9th floor because of bloody renovations so you have to climb the stairs by which point you think what's the point I might as well crap in my pants but since you've tahaned for this long what's 4 more frikkin' flights of steps so you climb gingerly with buttocks tightly clenched then you get home and you run run run run but your ma wants to ask you many inane questions and you scream i have to pang sai very loudly all the way to the toilet and slam the door and...

Today was one of those days.

And today speaks volumes about my life right now.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Bag Lady

I ownself make one!

Bag Lady - Camelia Candycane
Introducing, "Camelia Candycane", Deetourguide's first foray into bag-making...

1. Take one 80-cent metallic blue zipcase from chatuchak market.
2. Add flower applique sewn from scrap material, buttons and pink sequins.
3. Fasten accessories from own stash as bag handle.
4. Voila! "Camelia Candycane" is born.
5. Now I build my wardrobe round her. Am running out of blue and pink clothes to match.

She's ready for her close-up:

3 kinds of scrap material, coloured thread, plastic buttons and sequins a lovely floral applique doth make.

Use own charm and diamante bracelets as bag handle.

Friday, June 17, 2005

The Week from A - Z

Since imitation (or in this case, plagerism) is the sincerest form of flattery, I thought I'd try this thing I found on someone else's blog.


Smell, if you're reading this, guilty as charged - heh.

A - Arachnids. Am watching Eight-legged Freaks on cable as I type. It's so bad it's BAAAD.

B - Bah. I've been saying that a lot. Lovely, short word that propels itself off the tongue like a shopper through the doors at a 70% off sale. Am I disgruntled, annoyed or just PMSing? BAH. A little word that can convey so much and so little, depending on how you say it. Bah. baH. BaH. bAh.

C - Children. My bro and his wife are expecting their 3rd. Since the first two are called Gareth and Gwyneth, the 3rd's expected to have a name starting with 'G' too. Look under G.

D - Diet. Which I have blown. Carbs be damned! French fries and beer last night and today, see P.

E - Envy. Hate skinny people who can wear anything they want. Hate skinny people who can wear anything they want who complain about being fat even more.

F - Felt. Am looking at my spoils from Spotlight and thinking what funky felt clutches and brooches I can make with my own two hands (and some needles and thread).

G - Names starting with. Favourites include Graham, Gordon, Gregory, Gargamel, Garfield, Garfunkel, Google and Gos. Our surname is Tan.

H - Heels. Wedges to be exact. Want a pair or 5. Am coveting Marc Jacobs' designs (click on Resort 2004 - his stripy espadrilles are too too cute). These by Red or Dead are killer too.

I - Iced Earl Grey tea with aloe vera chunks. From Dome at S.A.M. On a hot day, heaven in a plastic cup. I ask for mine without sugar. Yum.

J - Jokes. The worse, the better. Case in point: There was a bailiff who moonlighted as a bartender. He served subpoena coladas. Bwahahahahahahaha.

K - Kailan. For lunch. Love any green veg stir fried in garlic. Oh, except coriander, celery and Tang Oh (which makes steamboat with the family a nightmare!).

L - Layers. As in hair, as in too many. I have a mullet thanks to the overzealous stylist. I hate it when they ignore I have curly hair that frizzes at the first sign of moisture. I'm not even safe from a sneeze.
This is how much he took off!
Mt. Hair

M - Microphone. I've worn a portable pack everyday in my waistband and stuck to my cleavage, under my clothes for filming. Yesterday, I accidentally dropped it in the toilet bowl when I went to pee. Needless to say, it's totalled and I'm not a very popular person on the set anymore.

N - Nothing to watch on TV. Bah.

O - Old. My back aches. Young people annoy me. I chose to stay home alone on a Friday night instead of heading out for free booze at some event. Go figure.

P - Pizza. I have inhaled, in a matter of minutes, 2 whole regular-size pizzas - Pepperoni and double cheese plus chicken mushroom double cheese on thin & crunchy crusts from Rite Pizza - my fave delivery co. Although in a very lame way, have avoided the crusts by peeling and scarfing the good stuff off them. Have managed to fool self into thinking that makes my dinner a lot healthier.

Q - Querulous. 1. Given to quarreling; quarrelsome. 2. Apt to find fault; habitually complaining; disposed to murmur; as, a querulous man or people. 3. Expressing complaint; fretful; whining; as, a querulous tone of voice.
Learn a new word today & kill two birds with one stone, if said word describes your mood. Even better, find quote from some random dead guy who's been there: "Enmity can hardly be more annoying that querulous, jealous, exacting fondness." - Macaulay.

R - Reality TV. Guilty pleasure, really got into The Entertainer and The Contender. Am ecstatic that Extreme Makeover's on TV later. Stop being cool and admit it, you like RTV too.

S - Spanish Lessons. Yippee, I can finally put a sentence together: Quiero ir al correo. Which means: I want to go to the post office. Oh dear. Someday it may come in useful, ok? Like when all computers and phones have failed and I need to communicate via snail mail in Spain.

T - Teenagers. Working with them is a workout for one's patience. But the thing I realise is I may find them all shallow and too cool for school now, but nobody outgrows that. We adults just hide it better.

U - U2. Are on MTV right now with their spanking new vee-day-oh for City Of Blinding Lights. Prefer them in their pre-Pop days. Tho' their last 2 albums did glisten with shades of the past. Nothing beats "I know a girl her name was party, Party Guh-hirl", though.

V - Virginia Slims. Which are what most of my friends smoke. These rude boys call them Vagina Slimes. Usually after being marinaded in VS smoke, I end up sounding like a Drag Queen. Oh, wait a minute, allegedly I am.

W - Wrinkles. 30th B-day looming. Feel old and ugly. Bah.

X - X-ray. Really. Need to get one since my 3rd TB test turned up almost positive. That means I'm a borderline case and they want to be safe not sorry. I suspect also so they can earn some moola off me. $70 for this crap?! You'd think after 3 tests they'd know what's up.

Y - Yawn. I'm bored and possibly sleepy.

Z - Zits. I feel a breakout coming on. Layers of foundation and communal sponges on set will do that to a girl's face. Bah.

P.S. Jason Mraz's new CD, Mr A-Z is out soon. His first album Waiting for my Rocket to Come was on repeat in my CD player, but if the first single (Wordplay) off the new one is anything to go by, it may not be half as good. Which is usually the case with most musicians. Bah.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

To Do List

With inspiration from Butterfingers' Yo Mama & To Do List Magazine.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

"It is a pleasure to give advice, humiliating to need it, normal to ignore it."

Sunday, June 12, 2005

You Will be PUNished

from the wonderful and Tim Burton-esque John Balistreri

2 aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.
The ceremony was rubbish, but the reception was brilliant.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Push My Buttons ● ● ●

Tom Makes Pictures

While perving at the very talented Penelope's gorgeous illustrations, I came across this, which she in turn got from Colin:

def: assorted items that you are crazy for and will stop whatever you're doing to attend to them.

Some of my Idiot Buttons:

  • Any TV show about home improvement, decoration, makeovers or cooking
  • Bookstores & Shoe stores
  • Mortini Happy Hour - Classic Vodka with stuffed olives, Appletinis, Chocolate Martinis and Cosmos... lush!
  • O & Jane magazines
  • Starbucks (even if I don't buy anything, I have to stop for a sniff and
    a gander) - interesting opposing perspective here
  • Stripes on anything in rainbow colours

Et tu?

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

What goes, "Hahaha... Plop!"?

Me, laughing my head off.

Me with a short, short temper on a hot, hot day of filming... A fourteen-year-old makes me laugh with this:

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

Immature, but funny.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Distorted, Displaced, Disturbed

I awake to see that no one is free. We're all fugitives - look at the way we live. Down here, I cannot sleep from fear, no. I said which way do I turn? Oh, I forget everything I learn.

Coldplay, Spies

Monday, June 06, 2005

I Win, Lor!

What a big gambler, risk-taker I am!
We have an argument that goes like this...

He (singing): Oh Lord have mercy mercy mercy...
Me: Diana King? Eew, Never been a fan. But Shy Guy was her first single , right?
He (triumphantly): Nope! Her first was I Know (proceeds to sing it).
Me: Wait, wait , wait a minute! I KNOW I Know is NOT by Diana King!
He: Is too.
Me: Is not.
Other he: Isn't it by Meshell Ndegeocello?
Me: Eh, ya, could be.
He: NO!!! It's by Diana King!
Me: IS NOT!!!
He: Wanna bet?
Me (waving my last $2): Yes!
He: Make it $50.
Me: Er, no. $2 is fine.
{Much shaking of hands and vows of googling ensues}

Show me the money!

He: Heh heh.
Me (suddenly): Hey, wait, I remember now. I Know is not by Diana King cos' it's by some woman called Dionne something...
{Silent pause}
He: Oh yeah. Ok, ok, you're right. I Know is by Dionne Farris. I remember now.
{I do naff victory dance in front of stunned Wala customers}
He (handing over the moola): But anyway, isn't it such a great song?
Me: YES YES YES (even greater now for obvious reasons)!

So sometimes it pays to be an obnoxious, irritatingly gloaty music know-it-all. But drat, I should've gone with the $50.

Friday, June 03, 2005

MacIdiot with a Side Order of Fries

So I finally upsized my life, got me a cool new ibook and sat down to go nuts with it. Only problem is, up till 3 days ago, I was a PC user all my life. That means I have power at my fingertips and no clue how to use it...

1. Technology ceases to function when I'm around. Say goodbye to crashing & hanging computers, they said... A mac would never do that to you, they said. They didn't know that my mutant powers are strong. Guess what? I managed to hang my mac the very next day of purchase! Yippee!

2. The sleep function on this ibook doesn't work. It's friggin' 3 days old! What'dya mean it doesn't work?!

3. Blogger looks a little different. Where're the BOLD, FONT SIZE and LINK functions? I need those functions, or this blog doesn't look right, OK?!

Luckily I have a 7-day return guarantee and a great contact who's gonna sort me out later. He'd better. Or I'm going back to paper and pencils.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Soundtrack to Life

Exciting! JellyGirl has batoned me, so here goes...

Total volume of music files in my computer:
I HAVE NO IDEA. Really. I need someone to teach me how to check. Also, my ibook is 2 days old, so I'm still learning, OK?

The Last CDs I Bought:
Compilations - Happy Songs, I Love TV, The Alternative Album 2, 3 & 4, Acoustics and Jeff Buckley's Grace - All at once.
Have also just been given the very fabulous Triple J Hottest 100 Vol. 12 featuring Franz Ferdinand, The Killers, The Streets, The Hives, NERD, etc, etc.

Tasty! Click above: more delicious Oz radio for your ears to eat.

The Song Playing Right Now:
Ben Folds - Adelaide

The Five Songs I Listen to A lot or Mean A Lot to Me (Or I Just Like):
Joni Mitchell - California
Janis Joplin - Me and Bobby McGee
Simon & Garfunkel - I Am a Rock
Coldplay - Shiver
The Beatles - A Day in a Life
*Gonna cheat and add 3 more:
Elvis - Suspicious Minds
10,000 Maniacs - These Are the Days

Jimmy Eat World - The Middle

I'm Passing the Baton to:
No one. Because I don't know anyone who reads this blog who cares for their blog to be made public. What can I say? I have shady friends. So shady ones, if you want to be batoned, make contact, lah.