Take a Deetour

"I write to find out what I think." - Joan Didion

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Sacred Cows

Over Hanabi's riduculously filling Japanese buffet we talked.
What happens when you achieve all your sacred cows?


But first - What IS a Sacred Cow? Not to be confused with its close and easily frightened bovine cousin (Scared Cow), a Sacred Cow is the one thing that drives you in life. The one thing that you treasure above all else. The one thing that gives you purpose. The one thing that keeps you going no matter what. Common cows include building a fabulous career, getting obscenely wealthy, finding your one true love, etc.

So. What happens when you've amassed a whole herd of said cattle? Where does that leave you?
He said, "You lose your passion for life. What else is there to look forward to? You got everything you wanted already, you get bored."
I said, "You feel like you're just existing, but not really LIVING."
She said, "That's why when I lost MY Sacred Cow (meaning BF), I fell apart."

We wondered - Could it be better not to expect too many things in life, to perhaps not have any Sacred Cows at all?
But if there are no ambitions, desires, goals in life, where does it leave you then?
Is it possible to want things out of life without turning them into Sacred Cows (if you've achieved them or lost them you lose the zest for living)?

I admitted I don't think I have any Sacred Cows - unless you take the religious motif seriously, then yes, God is my Sacred Cow. But that's a discussion for another day. Far Away.

So no cows in my life (except the ones I routinely devour). For example, if you wanna talk about career as Sacred Cow, when I was little if you asked me, "What do you want to be when you grow up?", I always answered, "I don't know."
I honestly had no clue. I still don't. And until I actually grow up, I don't think I have an answer.

As we pondered this topic ponderously, the other He said thoughtfully, chewing on his prawn tempura, "When I grow up, I want to be a Golden Retriever."

Haha. Woof.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Al Alba

Si te dijera, amor mío, que temo a la madrugada,
no sé qué estrellas son éstas que hieren como amenazas
ni sé qué sangra la luna al filo de su guadaña.
Presiento que tras la noche vendrá la noche más larga,
quiero que no me abandones, amor mío, al alba, al alba, al alba.

Al Alba (At Dawn), lyrics based on a poem by Miguel Hernandez - a Spanish poet who represented the poor and oppressed of General Franco’s era, arrested for his writing and ideas. In 1941 he died of tuberculosis in a Spanish prison at the age of 31.


Week 1, Lesson 1 - Spanish via Colombia

cul·pa f.
1. - blame, guilt 2. (falta) - fault
por culpa de - through the fault of
echar la culpa a uno - to blame someone
tener la culpa - to be to blame, be guilty

Our concept of reality is so personal, so transient, so fragile. What you see is really sometimes not what you get.
Today I must have said this a million times: Your feelings are not a true reflection of reality.
Faith over feelings, my friend.
As the world around me slowly loses its grip, I feel numb, frustrated, so detached.
I don't know which is better. Letting it all hang out, emoting till everyone wants to slap me silly, or who I am now - emotions tightly reined, stoically reticent, dealing in solitude.
I am so tired.
So tired of feeling vicariously through people.
Tired of feeling guilty because I can't empathize and even if I could, would I want to?
This feeling of detachment seems to be the recurring theme of my life.
Maybe my life's too mundane, maybe I'M too mundane. Maybe I just want someone to take care of me for a change.


...I need to drink more than you seem to think before I'm anyone's...
A Question of Lust - Depeche Mode