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"I write to find out what I think." - Joan Didion

Friday, January 14, 2005

THE SPLICE GIRLS IN SHOCK-HORROR SPLIT!

Something's rotten in the state of SpliceWorld and Denise Daily has the scoop!
Sources close to the legendary girlband say it's splitsville for the volatile, but talented young ingenues, as their management company, Fry Entertainment, struggles to keep this shocker under wraps.
However, this mammoth face-saving campaign has proved no match for your favourite daily - here are all the juicy details in this 6-part exclusive...
The Splice Girls - all smiles in better times (file picture).

Minutes Before Catastrophe



Having a laugh... was it all an act?

How The Splice Girls Became The SPLICED Girls


The cracks began to show at a recent glamorous photoshoot for famous fashion bible Herpes Bizarre. Murmers on the set revealed that each Splice Girl "seemed to be in different worlds of their own".

(L-R) An impatient diva lead singer, a rampantly stoned bassist, an indifferent drummer and an annoyingly cute tambourine-shaker.


Gorgeous Herpes Bizarre Photoshoot Turns Ugly



The usually dulcet-toned lead singer was overheard shrilly spitting these venomous words to her unsuspecting bandmates: "You bimbos can take your dumb, pointy Splicehat and shove it up your a****!!".


Splice Girls Split - Drink & Drugs to Blame?


More murmers from the now infamous photoshoot: a source close to bassist (and sometime flautist) Miss Tigi-Dumdumdumdum-Danke, told Denise Daily that she's fighting a losing battle against illegal substances and has continued an all-consuming love affair with one Mr Jack Daniels for years.
At one point, Jones was "so out of it" that she continued swigging and puffing, oblivious to the situation that had swiftly dissolved into complete chaos around her.

The girls scratching, pinching and shrieking expletives at each other. The fight soon turned vicious and ugly, as the girls tussled over one gold Splice Girls band-hat.
Even the usually indifferent drummer, Miss Shama-Lama-Bam, lost her cool and joined in the catfight.


"Sayonara, Senoritas!" Says Solo-singing Lead


The final straw that broke the proverbial camel's back was lead singer Miss Divavava-Voom's apparent lack of respect for her fellow bandmates, choosing to don a (gasp!) different and garishly spotted hat, instead of the matching gold Splicehat to complete that fan-favourite look they've made famous the world over. A move that many insiders say is symbolic of the power-struggle that has tainted this pop-fairytale. Many claim it was just a matter of time before fame-hungry Miss D broke away to sniff out a solo career.


Miss D (Lead Singer): "I'm so losing this sorry joint!"
Miss T (Bassist): "Joint? Where?"


Post-bitchslapping-catfight, Miss D was seen storming out with her coveted Gap mock-suede Hobo bag in tow, as perky princess of the group, Miss Gin-Ginninny-Gingingeroo (a.k.a G-Lo) swiftly found new use for the discarded Splicehat.
Could this mark the start of a new fashion trend? Surely the precocious Miss G doesn't need the extra support for her own perky pecs?

Watch this space, faithful followers of Denise Daily...

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